We left suburban America many years ago to explore a road less traveled and it has made all the difference. Here are a few of our most memorable stories.
Hi, I’m Meghan. Your resident tell-all Expat.
Fresh off of our 6 week nomad summer in the States, we are finally back home and ready to settle into our last year in Korea. I can’t believe we have crossed over the 2 year line and yet, we will spend much of this year unraveling our life we have created here to transition to the next location. Before I get too far ahead of myself, I want to take the time to reflect on the past 2 years.
We have officially spent 2 years living in Korea, how can that be? Wasn’t I just packing and lamenting about the bittersweet feelings of leaving everything behind for the promise of adventure? There is undoubtedly one thing I can recognize to be true, life will pass you by (quicker than you can really process) whether you are living it to the fullest or not. Here are my thoughts on 2 years living in Korea. (shameless photos of our west coast summer below for fun)
Table of Contents
Does Korea feel like home?
In some ways yes and in some ways no. I believe settling into the physical space takes about 6 months. Setting up all the comfort utilities and putting prints on the walls, organizing closets and getting to know the quirks of your space. I have made minor tweaks to our space this year, but the wonderful joys of small space apartment living is that I only have so much space and much of it is currently occupied so I change out a few pillows here and there, organize some spaces differently and call it a day.
That being said, one of the main reasons we are not staying longer in Korea is apartment life. To be fair, I LOVE living in an apartment in the middle of a giant city, as I have said many times before. However, having 2 t(w)eenagers and wanting them to have friends feel welcome in our space has led us to the decision that tiny house life might just be too tiny for us.
As for the other parts of life that make somewhere feel like home: the friendships, the ease of knowing your neighborhood, your local barista’s, the ease of pronouncing street names in your part of town – you’re community. I don’t really know how long that takes, but one day, you just feel it. You don’t have to work so hard to get where you are going, it’s suddenly easier to navigate, less complicated to communicate, and even starts to feel friendly and familiar. We have entered that stage. We have favorite restaurants, friends we bump into at the grocery store, we can help other new families arriving here for the first time and our neighborhood feels like ours. Building your support system is critical and once you feel it, I think you will forever have part of your heart in that place.
Do you experience reverse culture shock when you come home to visit?
I wouldn’t say that I experience much reverse culture shock as much as I am reminded how easy life can be when you can communicate, understand all the cultural expectations and generally know how to accomplish your task on the first try. The one thing that always gets me is the amount of choices in grocery stores. There are (too many) options and I get overwhelmed pretty quickly, give me all the small neighborhood markets any day. I’m also annoyed by how gross the public restrooms are in America, but who isn’t? This last trip home, I would say the increased volume of noise was noticeable to me, Americans are just louder – and I’ve been shushed on the subway in Korea many times to prove it.
I believe that my many transitions in and out of other cultures allows me to adapt fairly quickly. Often times, it is easy to mentally exist where you are physically present, I don’t spend too much time overthinking my life as it exists somewhere else. But boy do I miss those heated toilet seats when we are traveling.
Enjoy the moment, wherever you are!
What do you miss the most?
I think what this summer back home has given me is an acute awareness of everything we left behind. It is a romanticized 6 weeks of all your favorite people, places and things that tricks you into thinking you should never have left at all. Truthfully, we have many things we miss. I do occasionally miss our big house. I miss our bonus room for loud teenagers playing many rounds of NBA 2K, I miss my garage, a mere steps from my house. I currently park on the 5th floor of an underground basement garage.
I miss seeing the big pines right outside my windows. I miss Mexican food, the good kind. I miss driving on an open road . I miss Trader Joes and the way you can find Pumpkin flavored anything starting in September. There is a lot to miss, and there is no better way to appreciate what you love than to go without it for extended periods of time.
But I miss all these things in the context that I am okay not having them right now, it’s the trade off. This life has given me freedom from the many responsibilities and time sucks that I once scheduled in. I am so grateful for the experience to live differently and understand what it feels like on the other side.
It is what so many people never get the chance to experience first hand, the other perspective.
Is parenting harder in another culture?
Parenting in another culture can be tricky, as many of your value systems come from your home country and don’t always match up with your host culture. The Koreans believe in a sort of non-stop self betterment that allows for very little downtime, free play, or creative boredom that American’s have come to value. I think it can be difficult when priorities don’t match up, for example, the sports vs. academic importance in schooling. My son would prefer more emphasis on sports and that is just not as important as the academic side of school to Korean families. High level competitive sports are still available, but you go seek them out in clubs and with private training.
If anything, being foreign gives you a great excuse not to conform to any particular “norm” – you are free to pick and choose your style from both your home and host countries. However, you cannot change what is available to you, how your kids peers will prioritize their values and that you will occasionally have to field puzzling looks and questions. A great example is screens (phones, tablets, computers) – Korean kids get them very young and there is no stigma to screen time or access to phones at a young age. This is a sticking point for me, both my kids are and will be the last to get phones in their grades with no access to social media. Standing out doesn’t really bother me (I think that is the American in me) and so I am okay to defend my parenting choices.
What feels like an accomplishment this year?
This year felt like an exercise in the importance of health. Not only did we experience some health issues while traveling in another country, but we found ourselves in the mix of the Korean medical system. It was bound to happen at some point, and this past spring sent me reeling into Korean Medical care in multiple ways. In a city with so many people, the medical system reflects those high volume needs. Appointments are easier to get, but can be nothing short of chaotic when it’s time to shuffle yourself through the maze of registration, doctor visits and payments. While we had lots of help to accomplish our 5 minute appointments, it felt like a milestone. One I don’t care to cross again.
I’ve gotten braver about being uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations, but after it all, I still standby the idea that bedside manner and communicating with your health care providers is at the top of my list. Competency is wonderful, but so is your doctor taking the time to listen, answer questions and make you feel cared for.
My favorite question, what do you do all day?
Ha! I get asked this question all the time. I like to joke that I am a lady of leisure, but truthfully, my days are not hurried, but they are full. Completing normal life errands takes twice as long as an expat who doesn’t speak the host language fluently. I am also able to attend and participate in many school functions, explore the city, I decided to learn/play tennis and occasionally I enjoy the Korean cinemas for a matinee. You won’t hear much complaining out of me, a trailing spouse is a pretty good gig most days.
What’s in store for Year 3?
Year 2 had some really fun adventures, both to the Philippines and back to Vietnam. Because we don’t know yet where our next destination will be, I haven’t much settled in on any particular plans.
However, if this is our last year living in Asia, I have quite a bit on my travel bucket list.
2 years living in Korea has been great to our family, including the learning and challenges along the way. Some members enjoy it more than others, but I think that’s to be expected. What surprises me the most is how quickly it is passing and how soon enough I will be pulling pictures off the wall and figuring out how to leave another place I have come to love, behind. This life isn’t easy on the heart, especially for those who are sentimental, but I know when that time comes, I can say we have lived it to the fullest.
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