This time around, transitioning abroad with our older kids (late elementary, early Middle School) seemed to have much higher stakes. We aren’t just trading early childhood moments, we are shaping the very core of their childhood with international experiences and traditions.
Our kids have many thoughts and opinions about our move here, and we share frequent conversations around the choices we have made to live differently. It isn’t always easy for them to understand why we don’t just stay in one place or stay in American for that matter. But here we are, and after 1 year abroad, this is my best summary of their transitions.
The Wonders of an International School
I can’t say enough about how belonging to an international school has shaped our experience for the better here in Korea. Kids from so many different countries, some who were born one nationality but have lived their whole life in another, some who move every 2-3 years, and so many who are open hearted to new friends because they were new once too.
The teachers are motivated and kind, many of them can relate to similar experiences, opting for a career abroad in multiple different countries. My son had a teacher last year from Cartagena and even this small connection makes the world feel more connected.
There is an important focus on transitions for the students, understanding that many of them have left behind entire lives and are trying to rebuild new ones.
Every year, our school hosts an International Fair where every student’s nationality gets represented with a country booth. They serve native food, play games, and have cultural performances.
It is a beautiful collection of what it means to live abroad and be exposed to so many different cultures. The food is often prepared by parents from that country, and I may or may not have gone on a dessert world tour that day.
All of this to say that choosing the right school has brought us the most success in transitioning abroad with older kids. They don’t feel out of place here, their unconventional lives don’t feel that different from their peers, and they are able to have excitement around the experiences they are having.
Middle School Transitions
There really is nothing quite like middle school aged kids. I was pretty nervous to parent through these years before I really learned to love them. We transitioned to Korea during the summer of 6th to 7th grade for our son.
One thing I noticed right away were teachers who really enjoyed this particular age group and honored them for the quirky stage they are in. Because middle school has multiple classes a day, it takes a little longer to get to know other students.
The flip side of that is exposure to many more kids and lots of different teaching styles. Joining clubs, athletics and extra-circulars right away is a solid strategy to finding your people.
Our son made the basketball team early in the year and it made all the difference. He had a place to be, something to work towards and friends to be socialize with.
Academically, Korea is next level. While the international schools are seemingly less strict than the Korean public schools, there is substantial emphasis on academic success.
Many kids participate in extra study sessions after school, are often far ahead of grade level curriculum, all while also participating in multiple extra clubs and activities. Culturally, they are very competitive and the goal is Ivy league schools across the globe. Many foreign kids don’t come in with this level of intensity toward academics.
It was a very demanding first semester for our son adjusting to the pace and rigor of schoolwork. For many foreign kids who were decent students domestically, this can be a stressful and difficult adjustment. My hope is that wherever we head next, he has this solid foundation to work from.
Elementary Transitions
Elementary still contains all the sweetness here that it does in America. Lots of field trips, fun opportunities and wonderful teachers who nurture them through cultural differences.
Our daughter got to participate in the 4th Grade Musical this past year, where the whole grade takes weeks off school to produce a full scale musical. She loved every minute and it really pushed her out of her comfort zone.
I would say that I was most worried about her socially, and it was the sweetest kids in her grade that welcomed her with open arms. She is thriving. Her biggest complaint is school uniforms, and thats just fine with me.
Day to Day Life
This is perhaps one of the biggest transitions we made as a family. We live in an apartment building in the center of Seoul. We significantly downsized our living space and no longer have the room to host all the neighborhood kids for epic video game battles.
Both of our kids had to make some pretty large changes to their daily socializing. Not only are kids here busy with extra circulars all the time, but their friends may live an hour away the other direction. So after-school activities have become the primary way to socialize.
They also reap the rewards of being in the City everyday. Quick access to everything (fresh croissants from the bakeries downstairs), constant activity right outside your door, easy access to the subway and anywhere it can take you.
I like to tell them that this is a short stint in understanding how you like to live. My son has expressed that he would like to live in a quieter place with more access to nature.
How wonderful is it to get to test out different lifestyles and find out what you like? I am glad they get a chance to try out big city living in an environment that is both clean and safe. They get a lot of independence here because of that.
Staying In Touch
With a change like this, literaly moving into tomorrow, we are all staving off loneliness at times. You crave the people that know you, who have shared the moments of your life story, those that check in on you and send fun mail from home. Thankfully, technology today has really made keeping in touch with everyone you love so much easier, and that includes our kids and their friends.
They can play video games together, chat on kids messenger and even send fun packages back and forth. I cannot express how much this helps kids deal with the new, keeping in touch with everything you loved about the before.
So here we are, raising “Third Culture Kids” and trying to understand how they are seeing the world differently and hoping they appreciate it later in life. Their friendships that span the globe, multiple languages that swirl in their brains, an appetite for multi-cultural desserts and so much more.
Our job wasn’t to make this transition as smooth as possible, it was to provide them with opportunities to find their way. I think we have done that, and I am so proud of the resilience they have shown this year.
They don’t love everything about Korea and we all have moments of missing home, but it is far more about the growth that happens when we are busy living our lives. Now that the first year jitters and kinks have hopefully been sorted, we are ready for year 2.
