Growing Up Expat: Toddler Struggles and How I Know She’s Going to Be Okay

I knew that moving my children to a new country would come with its own adjustments and hurdles, but what I underestimated was just how long it would take my toddler to adjust to a new culture.  I feel like I can talk about it now because I have a little time under my belt and I am beginning to better understand her process and just how we handled toddler struggles.

More than Toddler Struggles

It’s easy to blame behavior issues on being 2 years old, but I saw her struggles begin the first few days we were in Cartagena.  I saw her confusion and at times, her sadness.  She didn’t know how to explain her feelings to me, so she retreated.  She clung to the only familiarity she could find, us. It was an outward reaction to her internal feelings.  It was a literal cling, she wouldn’t walk out in public, would stay in her stroller or demand to be held.

We have held her for the last 3.5 months.  Not necessarily in the house, but I know she never felt comfortable enough to walk around town on her own.  We came from a quiet suburban area with lots of open space and our daily activities here include a much louder city environment and much less personal space.

Colombians love little girls (princesses) – they squeeze cheeks, they touch hair, they ask questions. All of which can be very sweet, except to a little girl who doesn’t understand why it’s all of a sudden happening to her.

What I didn’t think she would react to was the invasion of her personal space.
But it was as foreign to her as it was to us.

There was no doubt she was affected by the new environment she was in. The heat, the constant noise and closeness to which everyone existed. It was overwhelming to her and I fully understand that.

What Changed

This is when I knew she was going to be okay; she walked (actually walked) to school for the first time last week, (well almost the whole way).  Then later that week she walked around the mall with me just holding my hand, not nervous, not scared, but just enjoying the cookie I bought her at Juan Valdez.  

I instantly noticed the difference in her comfort level and my mommy heart felt at ease.  It is easy to worry and wonder about the mental health of our little ones, especially before they really understand what they are experiencing.   I felt an immediate relief that she would again begin to enjoy some independence here.

I do feel that our trip back home over Christmas Break was the turning point.  I believe she got to reconnect with a lot of her relationships and it made coming back to Cartagena not so scary.  As if she began to understand the concept of traveling and visiting and that we will come back again soon.

We spend a lot of time looking at photos, talking about everyone in our life, and trying to keep long distance relationships alive and well; these are the struggles of living on another continent.  

We have also tried very hard to make sure we attend lots of social events here to foster new friendships and feelings of “normal” life.  It just takes time to feel like you belong somewhere, and I should understand that very well by now.  

So as we all face cultural adjustments and different levels of culture shock, let no one tell you that young kids don’t notice or will adjust easily. Everyone has their own process, their own comfort levels and adjusts on their own timeline.