If it takes a village to raise your kids, how on earth can you move so often and not feel totally alone? I think this stops most people from making this kind of big jump. We love our village – they are our comfort, our support, the people we love, spend our time with and who love us. I’m here to say that your village doesn’t go away (even if you do), it shifts, and in most cases, it expands. There WILL be people who welcome you, love your children, will adventure with your family and understand you in the one way most people can’t.
One of the most crucial aspects of settling into your new life is building an expat support system. Establishing strong connections with other families and communities can help you navigate cultural differences, overcome language barriers, and create a sense of belonging. All of which make your time abroad such an enriching experience. So how do you do it?
Your village isn’t just your physical neighbors anymore. We are more connected than ever with FaceTime, messenger apps, even playing video games with friends all across the world. I have been lucky enough to live in some of the best “villages” – the wonderful cul-de-sac with sweet neighbors, grandparents close by, friends and co-workers in a tight-knit community and it is tough to leave such a caring situation. However, you can and will find another version of this support system that gives you the warm fuzzies.
How to Establish An Expat Support System
1. Join Expat Groups and Online Communities
The internet makes it easier than ever to connect with fellow expats. I started looking for expat groups on social media platforms, such as Facebook or Internations long before we actually made the move. I was able to ask questions, help our family prepare and know what to expect when we got there. These communities often organize events, provide useful information, and serve as a great starting point for connecting with others, often before you set food in country. I also try to get on Instagram and follow tourist boards or other expats in our future/current city, it gives me a sense of things going on in the City and fun activities to plan for.
2. Attend Local and Expat Events
The beginning is full of “Yes’s”. Not a favorite for the introverts of the group, but a necessary part of the program. You have to actually be around all kinds of new people in order to find ones that you like. I often attend events that I wouldn’t normally say yes to because it’s important to be in social settings. Participate in local cultural festivals, networking events, and expat meetups. These gatherings are great opportunities to meet both locals and other expatriates, as well as get aquatinted with your new town.
3. Get Involved in Your Child’s School Community
If you have children in school, their school can be an excellent resource for meeting other expat and local parents. This is usually how I meet most of my new friends. Purely by way of carpooling, birthday parties, playdates and often the struggle of being new, you end up spending lots of time together. Join the PTA, volunteer for school events, attend the new parent meet ups and school functions.
4. Take Language Classes
I have to offer this up with a caveat, I have never been fluent in my host country language and it definitely changes your ability to make connections. A language barrier has never prevented me from living a full life, but it sure would make it a lot easier to do just about everything. If you are interested in learning the local language, it not only makes day-to-day life easier but also opens doors to friendships with locals. Many language schools and community centers offer courses specifically designed for expatriates.
5. Explore Local Hobbies and Activities
Whether it’s joining a sports club, a book club, or an art class, engaging in local hobbies helps you meet like-minded people. Sometimes language barriers can be a problem, but I have found that there are foreigner friendly options almost everywhere. Many local organizations welcome expats and provide an excellent way to integrate into the community. If you can’t find what you are looking for, offer to host it or create a group and find an instructor, maybe there are people out there looking for the same thing. I have recently taken up tennis lessons because we have a wonderful expat coach who was advertising in our community. Sometimes, opportunities put themselves in your lap, take them.
6. Connect Through Religious or Cultural Organizations
If you practice a religion or follow cultural traditions, attending local places of worship or cultural centers can introduce you to people with shared values and experiences. This goes right along with the last one, find places of common connection. They are low commitment and you can try many until you find one that suits you.
7. Volunteer in Your Community
Back when we were living in Cartagena, I googled “animal rescues in Cartagena” and was immediately connected to Cartagena Paws. It was such a gift, not only did I get to volunteer my time for a great cause, like our Pack for a Purpose meetup, but I met some truly wonderful people who have remained my friends long since leaving. Because I wasn’t fluent in Spanish at the time, I wasn’t sure I would be able to participate, but the founder was an expat as well and immediately put me at ease with ways I could help. Giving back to your new community is a meaningful way to meet both locals and fellow expats. Look for volunteer opportunities in schools, animal shelters, or community projects to establish deeper connections.
8. Stalk Your Neighborhood
Outside of stalking your neighbors, I often say start frequenting some of the same places. Create your physical village, go to the same coffee shop, use the same services if you can. You will create organic relationships just by seeing the same people on a regular basis. I will say that in Korea, the language barrier is a large issue when getting to know locals, but many people speak enough English for it to feel friendly. I have made many connections just being in the same general routine. Truthfully, I meet the most people walking my dog everyday. It’s the easiest way to start up a chat, and by virtue of looking different, most people approach me speaking English, so that opens the door.
9. Invite Your Loved Ones to Visit Your New Place
Building an expat support system takes time and effort, and it can feel lonely in the beginning. So invite your loved ones along to give you the much needed support. Sometimes you need to be around the people who know you and love you already. Explore your new home with them, show them a wonderful time and be grateful that your village will show up for you when you just might be a 13 hour flight away. It connects your worlds and makes everyone feel less far away.
Final Thoughts
After all that, my best advice is to be open-minded, and willing to step out of your comfort zone. Say “yes” to all kinds of things, don’t be afraid to ask for help or advice, and initiate outings with people. The more you engage with your surroundings, the easier it will be to start expanding your support system.
If you are interesting in more expat parenting posts, check out my last post on the topic of: Transitioning Abroad with Older Children.
